


The 'Bucky Barnes is the Best' Suite

by beeinmybonnet



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fanfiction, Graphic Format: GIF, Headcanon, Jossed, M/M, Meta, POV Second Person, it's a mix of all three, several GIFs, written before CA:CW, you know the warnings that entail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-04
Updated: 2015-03-04
Packaged: 2018-03-16 07:59:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3480488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beeinmybonnet/pseuds/beeinmybonnet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look on Bucky's relationship with Steve, from when they first met to post-CA:TWS. Imported from Tumblr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bucky Barnes is the Best

**Author's Note:**

> I've decided that this... _thing_ is close enough to a fic to post it here. It was only meant to be this fist part but it just kept expanding. But it's done now, at least, so I'm posting it here in its entirety. 
> 
> My tumblr is [msbeeinmybonnet](http://msbeeinmybonnet.tumblr.com/), where I also have a lot more meta.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted [here](https://msbeeinmybonnet.tumblr.com/post/86112562212/you-know-what-i-want-to-talk-about-i-want-to-talk).

  
 

  


You know what I want to talk about? I want to talk about Bucky, about the pre-war days, about what an absolute _nightmare_ it must have been to love Steve back then. 

Because let’s face it, Steve was ridiculously sickly and didn’t give a fuck about that.

I mean, just imagine yourself in Bucky’s position. Seriously, do it.

You’re born right at the end of the worst war in man’s memory, possibly history. Miraculously enough your father returns and your young childhood is possibly almost idyllic, living with your parents in an era characterized by abundance and optimism. 

You start school and it’s good, you have friends and you like learning things. Then one day there is this little shrimp of a fella getting pushed around by some of the boys in your class and you decide to intervene, because damn, it looks like the fella is going to break if you so much as breathe on him. Your classmates aren’t good at taking a no, though, so you take a swing of your own. Of course you do, you can’t let them kill the little shrimp.

You take out the boys because they are more bark than bite, but to your surprise the little fella helps you out. He’s pathetic, obviously, but he just keeps getting up and going at it again and again.

Once the boys are chased away, you turn to say that he doesn’t need to thank you, but you stop when you see the little fella glare at you. _I had ‘em on the ropes_ he says through his broken nose and sounds _petulant_.

You can’t help it. You laugh. The little fella looks hurt and you hurry to explain that _Yeah, of course you did_ and you can’t stop grinning at this amazing, surprising, _insane_ little person. _I’m Bucky_ you say and offer your hand.

 _Steve. Steve Rogers_ says the little guy as he shakes your hand and you’re in love.

  


  
  

  


So after that, you and Steve become inseperable. Of course you are, because Steve is like a very skinny Zorro. That part worries you a lot, actually, ever since you saw Steve have an asthma attack for the first time. You know that Steve’s father is dead and that his mother is a nurse, so she can probably help, but you still want to be of help _too_. Steve is your best friend and you don’t want to see him hurt.

So you start trying to protect Steve - you fight his battles for him, you keep him away from things that can trigger any of his illnesses, you always ask if he’s okay.

You do this until Steve yells at you to stop treating him like a baby. You have a huge fallout about it and don’t talk for a week, until you show up at Steve’s door and take him to Coney Island and ride the Cyclone with him. He throws up and laughs.

  


  
  

  


Then the Depression hits and everything goes to hell. You are one of the lucky ones - your father still has a job - but all the optimism and abundance you grew up with is gone. It’s tougher, it’s rougher, but it’s okay. You still have Steve by your side and that’s all that matters.

As you grow up, you start getting worried again. The bullies Steve fights are getting bigger and stronger, but Steve is still the same little guy he’s always been. You remember your only big argument and device a new strategy: you step in when Steve is beat and quickly take care of the bullies for him _and don’t act like it’s a big deal_. You train yourself to not show your concern and worry as you help Steve to his feet, and in time you get really good at it.

You also get real good at fighting dirty and taking out multiple fellas quickly.

Girls start to become insteresting as well. (Boys too, but you don’t talk about that.) They still have nothing on Steve, but it’s fun to take girls out. Especially when Steve comes with. You honestly don’t understand how they are not throwing themselves at Steve while at the same time you’re guiltily glad that Steve is still yours alone. (You want him to always be.)

  


  
  

  


Then Steve’s mother dies. It takes a while to convince him, but eventually you and Steve move in together in a miniscule apartment of your own. It’s cheap, which is the important thing, because you need the money for Steve’s medicine and art classes. The neighbourhood might not be the best but you don’t care.

You work as much as you can manage to provide for the both of you. Steve is doing his part, of course, but you know that he might get sick at any time and you need to have enough saved away to manage when that happens. You still don’t mind - you are living with Steve, the two of you have your own place, you have a job. It’s good, it’s real good.

  


  


Can you imagine that? Can you imagine that being your life? Can you imagine meeting someone before you’re even a decade old and just knowing that yes, that is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, that one? Can you imagine your life being so entangled with that person that you can’t imagine it without them? _Can you imagine loving someone this much?_

I’m sorry, I don’t even know if this is meta or fic or headcanon. I just had to write it out because it was tearing me apart. Now if you excuse me, I need to go and bawl my eyes out.

_Bucky Barnes is the best._

  


> (gif sources: 1 alielie & 2-3 wintersoldierrs & 4-5 thecaptainrogers & 6-7 ?? & 8 mishasminions)


	2. Bucky Barnes is the Fucking Best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted [here](https://msbeeinmybonnet.tumblr.com/post/86696279862/right-so-it-seems-like-i-have-more-aggressive).

  


  
  

  


Right, so, it seems like I have more Aggressive Feels about Bucky Barnes. See this as a sequel to _[Bucky Barnes is the best](http://msbeeinmybonnet.tumblr.com/post/86112562212/you-know-what-i-want-to-talk-about-i-want-to-talk)_ ; this is _Bucky Barnes is the FUCKING best_.

So put on your Imagination Socks again, because you're about to step into the shoes of Bucky Barnes once more.

Imagine you're living the life I described before; you're poor, you're working til you're dead on your feet, your home is a shoebox and you love it, because you're sharing your life with Steve. That's the important thing, that Steve is safe and that he's there with you. Whatever it takes to keep it that way is worth it. (Steve will never find out about that photographer and the time the rent was late, you're sure of it.)

Your parents die within months of each other and it's rough, real rough. You get into a bad place but Steve is right there and pulls you back up again. He never judged you and he still isn't; you owe him everything for that. You get your life back together and things start to get good again.

Of course, that's when the war has to break out. Steve gets obsessed with it, is desperate to fight, even though you know for sure that he'd be dead within a week. It's hard to watch Steve be rejected - on one hand you can't stand to see him so crushed, but on the other you are _so glad_ Steve will stay here with you and be safe. Because that's all you've ever wanted.

You know that if you enlist, they'll take you. That's why you don't. You know that there are soldiers needed, but in Europe, you would be just another gun. Here in Brooklyn, you're the only one who is looking out for Steve and making sure he doesn't get himself killed. _That_ is more important to you. The army can choose from an ocean of willing soldiers; Steve only has you.

But life isn't giving you any breaks. You get drafted and your worst fears come true. You try to apply for conscientious objector status but it's shot down. You have no idea what to tell Steve; it's a betrayal on so many levels. You are joining the army when he isn't, you are leaving him behind, you are dragged kicking and screaming into a war he is begging to join, you are assigned the regiment Steve wants, _you are leaving him behind_.

So you decide to lie. The day before you ship off, when you can't put it off any longer, you tell Steve you've enlisted and are heading for England the next morning. You fake a smile when you see Steve's face fall, you tell yourself that you can't dodge the draft because Steve will never forgive you if you do. You tell yourself this several times. 

  


  


  


You pull Steve with you to the Stark Expo; it's a distraction, plain and simple. You don't want to think of this as your last night in Brooklyn, in _America_ , and you don't want Steve to think of it like that either. You have met two girls who seem nice enough and fixed a double-date; those are your favourites after all.

(You don't dare to spend your last night alone with Steve in your apartment. You're afraid of what you might do.)

Then Steve has to ruin it all by trying to enlist again, on your last night, on your last night _together_. You just can't take it and you have to leave Steve at the tent before you either punch or kiss him. You try to do it casually but the little punk won't let you and you go back for a hug. You try to not think that it might be the last time you ever get to touch Steve.

(You take the girls home at 10 pm and spend the rest of the night sitting on the doorstep of your home, drinking a bottle of bootleg and _not thinking_.)

  


  


  


So you sail to Europe and it's worse than you ever could have imagined. It's a literal hell, but you don't tell Steve this in your letters. You know that it wouldn't discourage him at all and you don't want him to worry about you even more. So you lie and try to remember how air that doesn't stink of rot and blood and death smells.

It's funny in a twisted sort of way (you have all become twisted here) when the other fellas talk about their girls back home and how they intend to survive for their sakes. You tell them about Stephanie who is made of smiles and moxie and one hell of an artist. No tits to speak of but a great ass. You didn't have time to pop the question before you left so you plan to do it when you return.

(At night, when you're too cold to sleep, you dream of a perfect world where two fellas can get hitched and Steve says yes.)

Then this ass-clown Captain America appears.

  


  


You hate that guy. You hate how clean and tidy he makes war look, how ridiculously _stupid_ his outfit is, how he's going to make Steve want to join ever more badly. You hate how he has Steve's mouth and chin, his jaw just a little broader, because you know Steve is going to look at him and think _Why isn't that me?_ Because Steve has never realized that he's perfect and that he doesn't need muscles and height.

(If he had that, he wouldn't need you anymore.)

Then things go from shit or complete shit when HYDRA attacks for the first time. It's just like your nightmares and for a while you're not sure if you're awake or asleep. Turns out you are very much awake, because your unit end up captured and you don't wake up.

  


  
  

  


  
  

  


Being a POW in the hands of HYDRA is... not good. You watch new-forged friends and strangers die around you and you try to keep your head down. You want to survive so you can go home, can go back to Steve, to your life together. So you don't put up a fight, not like a Steve would have done, because you'd rather live with the guilt than die with a clear conscience.

(You are a coward, but then you've always been.)

But life isn't done dealing you shitty hands yet and somehow you catch the eye of Arnim Zola. You won't remember much of what happens after you're dragged from your cage at night, and it's better that way. It's better that way.

_Barnes, Sergeant, 32557038._

(No-one comes back from the isolation ward. There's no point in trying not to die - might as well fight back with all you've got. Don't give them anything. Make Steve proud.)

  


  


  


Then the impossible happens. Steve saves you.

_Steve saves you._

It's impossible for so many reasons, and first you think you have died and somehow managed to slip into Heaven. But no, you're alive and Steve is here with you, somehow, _somehow_.

And he's Captain America.

Zola has done so many things to your body that you can't think clearly (can barely stand) but fuzzily you connect the pieces that you and Steve are the same. It doesn't make sense yet, except it sort of does. _Did it hurt? Is it permanent?_ Will you also change and grow? Will you become near-unrecognizable like Steve has?

Oh god. Steve. _Steve_. You told him to not do anything stupid until you got back, and then he does _this_? He's lied in his letters just like you have done in yours. Would Steve have done this if you'd still been there with him? No, you would have stopped him. Stopped him from being a complete idiot.

The base is falling apart all around you but you barely notice it; you can't look away from Steve. Your vision is still blurry and all sounds are muted, you finally see why Schmidt is called _Red Skull_ and you hate that you can't help Steve.

But Steve manages without you. _Has_ managed without you.

If you had any doubts whether this was Steve or an impostor, they're all swept away when he tries to sacrifice himself for your sake. You can't. You just... can't. You're running on the fumes of your fumes, you've been to hell and know you're about to return there, Steve somehow found you deep in the bowels of it and now he wants to die so you can live.

(Why would living matter without Steve?)

You can't take it and you yell at him _Not without you!_ and don't bother holding back. All the years you've restrained yourself, acting like finding Steve beaten and bruised in alleyways didn't kill you, all the kisses you never gave him, it all comes crashing down.

_No! Not without you!_

  


  


  


If you die, you will die together.

But as always, Steve doesn't even know the meaning of 'give up' and makes the jump. You have to help him over the railing, using all the power you have left in your battered body (you're stronger than before) but he makes it and the only reason you don't kiss him is because you black out for a second.

It's a blur for a while but Steve helps you out of the factory and it explodes behind you as you meet up with the majority of the other POWs. They have HYDRA gear and weaponry and you slowly start to realize:

Steve saved you all.

It's hard to wrap your head around, especially since holding onto just one thought is difficult. The walk back to base is fuzzy, but you have Steve by your side and you put on a brave face like you always have.

When you arrive at the base there is a distinct lack of cheer (except from one very pretty dame who only has eyes for Steve) so you rally the crowd. Steve is more of a hero than all of you put together; he deserves, _needs_ , the praise because he would never believe it himself.

(It used to just be you who cheered Steve on. Now there is a sea of voices drowning yours out.)

(You miss being the only one who saw Steve's heroism. You hate yourself for it.)

  


  
  

  


You are debriefed on your time as a POW but you keep quiet about what Zola did to you. You don't want to end up in a lab again, especially not when Steve now is out there. No-one calls you out on it, though, which means that Steve hasn't said anything about it either. You wonder what that means.

You get the offer of returning back to Brooklyn with an honourable discharge. You are tired to the bone, frayed at the edges and don't think you'll ever feel warm again. You decline the offer. You can't leave Steve behind.

Steve finds you in a bar where you try to get drunk (four whiskeys in and still nothing) and you put on the bravest face you can. You know it's slipping but you are too exhausted to care. It doesn't matter if your devotion shows on your face; you've seen too much hell to not grab heaven with both hands when it's right in front of you. 

Steve asks if you intend to join him, even though you both know the answer is obvious. But you make sure he knows it's _him_ , Steve, you are following and not that Captain America fella. Even if everyone else sings the Captain's praises, you still think Steve is worth twenty of him.

(When Agent Carter arrives, you don't know what to do with the pride and jealousy you're feeling.)

  


  
  

  


The Howling Commandos are a good team. You know the reason you feel slightly on the side is entirely your own doing. You don't mind it. You're the second-in-command and Steve always turns to you before the big decisions. It makes you feel important, like you still matter.

(You hate this part of you. You were never this possessive and greedy before. You're not sure if it's Zola's doing or just who you are.)

You still hate what the army did to Steve, turning him into a weapon when he is entirely too good and pure for it, but you are dealing with it if not quite accepting it. You've learnt that was Steve's choice and you have to respect that, even if you think he's an idiot. At least you are here with him to take care of the really ugly stuff to keep Steve's hands as clean as possible. You can still take care of him in some ways.

Steve is even more reckless with himself, which you didn't think was possible, and you chew him out over it regularly - sometimes the other Howlers also join in. Steve at least has the good graces to look sheepish.

They really are good people, the Howlers. You have nightmares, imaginations and half-memories of the isolation ward, and Steve starts to sleep curled around you, like a reversal of how you used to sleep back home. The others don't say anything about it and you are grateful for it.

(You don't tell Steve you enjoy being his sniper, protecting him from afar. You know it wouldn't appeal to Steve's preference of _starting_ a fight honestly.)

  


  
  

  


But all good things - or not-quite-as-hellish-as-before things - must come to an end. For you, it happens on a railway in the Alps, where your decision to protect Steve leads to your death. Of all the ways you could die, this one is acceptable. At least it had _purpose_.

You're just scared of what will happen to Steve now that you're gone for good.

  


  


  


If you don't believe that Bucky Barnes is the best friend any person could possibly have I don't want to talk to you. Bucky Barnes is not made of All The Good Things, he has a darkness inside of him, and he chooses to be the best he can be because Steve inspires him to. Bucky Barnes is strong enough to enter the bowels of hell and come back out only to head right back down again. Bucky Barnes could have left with honours but chose to stay because he felt Steve needed him.

_Bucky Barnes is the fucking best._

  


> (gif sources: 1-2 uuuhshiny & 3-4 thorodinbro & 5-6 anthonyedwardstarks & 7 itsmisterfilm & 8-11 quarrel-with-a-boot & 12-13 zoewashburne & 14-15 mishasminions & 16-17 winterbrnes & 18-19 edyferrone & 20-21 stevebarness & 22-23 mishasminions)


	3. interlude: a conversation between bucky and steve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a meta in the medium of interpretive fanfiction. Yup.
> 
> Set during that window of time between Steve rescuing all the POWs and forming the Howling Commandos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted [here](https://msbeeinmybonnet.tumblr.com/post/87003371757/a-conversation-between-bucky-and-steve).

"I should have made you swear on your mother’s grave so you didn’t have a loophole."

Steve turned around when he heard Bucky enter his room - much bigger and more comfortable than what the grunts had, must be good to be a captain - and frowned. “What?”

"I’m taking all the stupid with me?" Bucky spat and punched Steve in his too-broad chest. "Then what the hell was this? Idiocy? Damn it, Steve, I wanted you to keep safe."

The twitch of Steve’s jaw was exactly the same as it always had been, even if the jawline was a little wider, and it made all sorts of things twist inside Bucky’s stomach. “It was perfectly safe, Buck.”

"Don’t you fucking lie to me, Rogers. I just sat through a debrief that was more interested in how you handled yourself on the field than what intel I might have gathered. Do you think I don’t recognize a guinea pig when I see one?"

"Erskine believed in the procedure," Steve said, firmly holding Bucky’s gaze. Bucky didn’t care.

"I believed in Santa until I was six, that doesn’t mean he’s real." Bucky stopped himself, swallowing the rest of the angry words, when he saw the flash of hurt in Steve’s eyes. Shit. Erskine had died during the procedure. Wetting his lips, he asked in a much softer voice, "Why did you do it, Steve?"

Steve glanced down and some of the tension disappeared. “Erskine offered me a chance, and then he chose me.” When he met Bucky’s eyes again they were burning with earnestness and resolve. _Damn him_. “It was my one shot, Bucky. I had to take it.”

"So you didn’t do it for—" Bucky gestured to Steve’s new body, _up_ at him, “all this?”

"I didn’t even know it would happen," Steve said and he was telling the truth. "I just thought it would make me less weak."

Bucky clenched his fist and held himself back; from hitting or kissing Steve, he wasn’t sure. “You were never weak, you dumb punk.”

"Yeah, I was." And there was that awful wry twist of his mouth, the one that meant he was hurting but didn’t want to show it. It was still there, even after Steve got his stupid fucking wish and a body that almost matched the size his heart, and Bucky wanted to scream. "And anyway, you lied to my face."

Bucky froze. Had Steve figured it out? _How_? Aiming for casual, he said, “Yeah? About what?”

"You were drafted."

For a split second Bucky was relieved that it was _that_ secret and not the other one, but then the guilt and shame came. He wet his lips, not even bothering denying it.

"Why did you lie, Buck?" Steve asked and there was both hurt and anger in his voice; Bucky’s least favorite combination. 

_To spare you the hurt,_ he didn’t say. Instead he put on the drawl he knew Steve hated and said, “Gee, I don’t know, maybe because you lied on your enlistment form _four times_ because you’re that desperate to join, and then I had to be dragged into it?”

He must have made a midjudgement somewhere, because instead of getting angrier, Steve had that crushed, disbelieving look on his face. Just like when Bucky had told him he was shipping out the next day. Then there was the appearance of that _I have decided on something_ set of Steve’s jaw, the one that lead to really bad ideas most of the time.

"Go back home, Bucky."

Yup, one can always count on it. “The _fuck_ , Steve? The hell I will!”

"You’re a hero, they’re going to offer you the option soon and I want you to take it. You don’t have to do this anymore, Buck."

"Did they put all your brains in your muscles? _I’m not leaving you_. ‘Til the end of the line, remember?”

Steve flinched and then swallowed thickly before nervously scratching his brow with his thumb. Too shaky to be a proper snarl, he said, “I don’t want you to fight just because you feel like you have to babysit me.”

"You are _such a fucking idiot_ , Steve,” Bucky snapped and reached out to jerk Steve’s arm away from his face. It took more force than it should have. “You think I’d be happier sitting at home knowing you’re out here risking your life where I can’t save your dumb ass?”

Steve met his eyes but kept stubbornly silent. Bucky couldn’t help a slightly hysterical laugh. “You damn punk, you get yourself in trouble every ten minutes without me. You think I’d leave you again when I’m given a _choice_?”

There were several tense seconds where they just stared at each other, trying to out-stubborn the other. It ended with both of them breaking out in grins at the same time. Bucky let go of Steve’s arm and slid it up the too-big bicep to clap him on the shoulder.

"I noticed the asthma’s gone."

"Yeah. It’s all gone," Steve confirmed and there was a small, awed smile playing at his lips. Bucky felt something jerk in his chest but he ignored it. At least something good came out of Steve’s idiocy; he had as much luck as he had guts.

Bucky nodded and punched Steve lightly on the arm. “You look good.”

The last of the tension disappeared from Steve’s shoulders and his whole face lit up in one of those blinding smiles. Bucky still hadn’t forgiven Steve completely for being a moron, but they had bigger things to worry about now - like going home together.

  



	4. Who the Fuck is Bucky Barnes?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted [here](https://msbeeinmybonnet.tumblr.com/post/88280798387/so-several-peeps-said-they-wanted-to-see-a-third).

 

 

So several peeps said they wanted to see a third installment in the _Bucky Barnes is the Best_ suite, and I am a very weak person so I caved and did it.

Just as a warning, though, this part is very different from the first two and it's a deliberate stylistic choice. This one covers the Winter Soldier years where HYDRA made sure Bucky's mind was in a state like scrambled eggs at all times, and it's utterly depressing throughout. It's also minimalistic because I'm only mildly sadistic and don't want to imagine more details.

There will be a fourth and final part, which is going to be hopeful and full of predictions on Bucky's future. Just so I don't end Bucky's story at the darkest possible point.

So buckle up for the toughest ride yet. But if Bucky can make it, surely so can you?

 

 

 

You're falling and it's cold. Your left arm cracks and tears and aches but then it goes numb.

Everything goes numb.

—strange soldiers, enemy soldier, drag you away.

 _Sergeant Barnes_.

Arnim Zola is here and you're captured once more—

—arm is gone—

—metal arm. A new arm, an arm you never asked for, an arm you never wanted.

_Barnes, Sergeant, 32557038._

You fight them. They were stupid enough to give you a weapon and you use it but they stop you—

Cold. Freezing cold and—

Darkness.

 

You thaw for the first time in your life and it is painful. You're not in hell, but you wish you were.

_(Barnes, Sergeant, 32557038.)_

You hope Steve will come. You _know_ he will come, just like last time—

 _Heil fuckin' America_ earns you pain and agony. You take it all with pride.

They put you back in the freeze and you fight them but—

Darkness.

 

Thawing is just as painful this time. Where is Steve?

_(Barnes, Sergeant, 32557—)_

The pain never ceases, holding out is harder. You don't want to return to the cryo.

You try passivity. It works at first but then the pain is even worse than before—

—mentions _cryo-freeze_ and you kill two guards in the panic—

Darkness.

 

Your name is James Buchanan Barnes, you are a Sergeant, your serial number is 35—

Your name is Bucky.

_Bucky._

Steve will come—

—thunderclap in your head, ligtning down your fingertips—

Darkness.

 

He will come.

 _Thank you, Buck_. Sunshine hair, sky eyes, tiny body, big heart. He will come.

Who is he?

 

—people screaming, gunfire, stab—

—thunderclap in your head, ligtning down your fingertips—

Darkness.

 

Bucky.

Bucky

_Bucky_

 

Asset.

 

Mission recieved.

Target found.

Target neutralized.

Mission completed.

Mission report.

Thunder and ice.

 

Mission recieved.

Target found.

Target neutralized.

Mission completed.

Mission report.

Thunder and ice.

 

Mission recieved.

Target found.

Target neutralized.

Mission completed—

_(I had 'im on the ropes.)_

You're compromised.

_New York, U.S.A._

Hunted, running, your mind fracturing and collapsing on itself—

Caught.

_Thunder thunder thunder_

(Your fractured mind is blown apart by the thunder.)

Ice.

 

Mission recieved.

Target found.

Target neutralized.

Mission completed.

Mission report.

Thunder and ice.

 

Mission recieved.

Target found.

Target neutralized.

Mission completed.

Mission report.

Thunder and ice.

 

Mission recieved.

Target found.

Target—

 _Bucky_.

 

  
  

 

_Who the hell is Bucky?_

_(Bucky.)_

Your mind is fracturing and collapsing on itself.

_The man on the bridge... Who was he?_

You knew him.

He knew you.

_You knew him._

(Your fractured mind is blown apart by the thunder.)

 

Mission recieved.

Target found.

_missionfriendmissionfriendmissionfriendmissionfriendmissionfriendmission_

Target—

 

  
  

 

Mission aborted.

Target saved.

 

Your mind is fracturing and collapsing on itself.

Who is Bucky?

Maybe you are.

 

 

  

 

 

> (gif sources: 1 winterbrnes, 2-3 thebestpersonherelovesbucky, 4-5 icarusing, 6-7 tochi-tanis)


	5. Bucky Barnes is Back and Better Than You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted [here](https://msbeeinmybonnet.tumblr.com/post/89866560152/all-right-so-here-is-the-last-part-i-never).

 

  


 

All right, so here is the last part. I _never_ planned for this to go further than the pre-canon one but I guess that's what happens. Everything in this is pure speculation and hopes, and I might change my mind completely later on, but for now this is how I imagine it to be. Because I just want Bucky to finally catch a break, okay?

And now the fourth and final part: Bucky Barnes is back and better than you.

 

 

 

Your fractured mind is unbreaking. The disarrayed shards are melding together, each piece a new clue as to who you are. Some are poisonous, rotting things that fill your mouth with acid and ash, ones you would rather never have remembered. Others are sunshine and right and small, thin hands that are cold on your belly in the summer.

Those memories give you strength to carry on and are worth all the gangrene ones.

The first week is the hardest. HYDRA has fallen, SHIELD has fallen, you are still more weapon than human _(mission aborted mission aborted mission aborted)_ and there is nowhere for you go. You hide in the streets and steal to survive, find isolated spots for when your mind explodes.

(You learned long ago to keep your panic internal -- _thunder and ice_ \-- but sometimes you can't help lashing out.)

You visit the Smithsonian exhibit several times, each time feeling more familiar than the last. There are mind-pieces to be found between the lines of the texts, small memories you collect like they are gold. Which they are.

You were Bucky Barnes, you are sure of this. You're not quite sure who you are now.

 

 

 

You start to remember things that are not from Brooklyn or hidden between the lines of official history. A young woman with bright red hair, the one you fought on the highway, younger but the same. (Just like The Captain-Rogers- _Steve_ on the train and on the highway.)

You've shot her before, in the stomach when she was young. You remember an assignment. You were ordered to kill an engineer _(target found)_ when the agent put herself inbetween the two of you.

You didn't shoot her in the skull. You gave her a deadly shot, not a fatal one. Why did you?

(She was not your target.)

 

 

 

Not even a week after your final _(failed)_ mission, you look at an old photograph of Barnes-Bucky-yourself and know what to do. The knowledge both calms and thrills you.

 _You_ have decided what to do. _You_.

It's easy to gather a basic arsenal. The quality is worse than you're used to but you have worked with improvised weapons; at least these are standard. You find your target and stalk him for a good shot.

You kill the first HYDRA agent in a parking lot, from a crouch on a rooftop, the sniper rifle giving a clear headshot.

After kill number three you gain a tail. The Captain-Rogers-Steve and his partner figure out what you are doing and start to try and hunt you down. _Before_ you might have killed them as well, for interfering.

Instead you let them chase you, always keeping two steps ahead.

At kill number seven Rogers catches a glimpse of you. You find a hideout and shave off your beard. You pause and then cut off your hair.

You get into a frenzy as you watch pieces of hair fall and you're breathing hard when you stop. Your hair is almost as short as Rogers' is. You look completely different. You look like Bucky.

At the next kill you get another tail -- the red-haired agent, Natasha Romanoff. She's with Rogers and Wilson but working on her own. She is better than Rogers and harder to shake, but you still manage it.

The closeness runs both ways. When Rogers, Romanoff and Wilson get called in to deal with other threats, you are near enough to follow the battles. You trust your instincts (they're all you have now) and when they tell you _protect Steve_ , you find a rooftop and provide cover.

You remember this from the war. Rogers even turns around to look at you in the same way as he did then. You never let him see you but you are convinced he knows it's you.

 

 

 

At kill twenty you start to feel tired. The fire to destroy all of HYDRA still burns inside you, but it doesn't warm you like before. It's... not enough. The mission is not enough.

The Winter Soldier might be content with living only for the mission, but Bucky Barnes is not.

You store your arsenal and equipment in a secure place, change your clothes and head to Brooklyn.

When Steve opens his door, you speak.

"Hi, Steve."

_(You're safe.)_

 

 

> (gif sources: 1-2 buckypls, 3 avatarwinchester, 4 reservoir-fantasy, 5 ??*)

_*I'm breaking a personal taboo here, but this gif is not from the MCU, but from the series_ Kings _, but I couldn't find a fitting one in-universe_

 


End file.
